Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
