Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
