we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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