My friends, they love my intelligence
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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