You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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