3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
