she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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