i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
