Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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