Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
