just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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