Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
