They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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