I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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