try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
