She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
