i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
