Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
