watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
