so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
