All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
