This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
