He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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