did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
