I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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