I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize