I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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