Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Randomize
