one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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