He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize