That's when you crack a 10am beer
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
