God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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