There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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