i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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