i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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