We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
