I only kidnapped one of them. chill
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The air taste purple.
Randomize
