it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
