Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
