did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
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I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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