i just wanna soil my oats bro
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
