dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
