Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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