dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am spending my child support on dildos
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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