btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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