she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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