I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
