You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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