he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
