is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
