Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
