I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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