everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
