If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize