I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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