Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
