Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
