After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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