I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
