be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize