You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
and you fell through a lawn chair
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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