This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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