he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
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he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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