i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
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Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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