Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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