It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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