You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
