going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
