i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
