You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
