I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
