with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
