your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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