There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
