i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
