all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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