She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am one with the molecules
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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