im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
